His Armor

"Examine yourself" He says. Examine myself. I am a selfish being with messed up priorities, but that doesn't exactly meet the qualifications of examining. I must search deep within me, not just looking for my issues, but how God can mold me into what He wants me to be. What can I do on my part and why am I not doing it? Maybe it's because I'm afraid of what will happen if I do. Truly I don't want to see the person in the mirror because she is flawed and unworthy. I do not see her from His eyes but my own.

Who am I? I am a sinner that needs help. But that is too general, too superficial, too surface. I do what I don't want to do, and don't do what I should. This inward struggle is driving me crazy. It is war and I'm not sure I can fight it. Not alone at least. With Him I am able. I must go to war with my flesh. If I don't I will be where I've always been, without growth and lacking change. I need change. Not a superficial life, but a life full of love and pure desire for the one that created me.

When I look at her now I see empowerment, grace, intimacy, and commitment. This is what God sees because this is what consists of our relationship. He gives me hope and says press on, put on your armor, my armor and go to war. He says "Examine yourself." But He also says you can do this. He says "I am with you." I believe Him. Do you?

Family and Fellowship

We just got back from the staff retreat and I feel refreshed with a new outlook on life. The past two days I was able to see what family and fellowship is supposed to look like. I've experienced this before, but nothing like this. This was pure love, generosity, laughing, and striving together with a unified purpose. And I loved every minute of it. My only hope is that others get to experience what I have because it has changed my life.

This week was a week of renewal and I believe that everyone needs that every now and then. I time where you can reflect on yourself and what God is doing in your life. Without it we get stale and bored and do stupid things. This week gave me hope for the future. I was able to see my weaknesses for what they were and really do some self evaluation. I have a starting point and a path to walk on. 1 Corinthians 9 says that we must run to win, not only for an eternal prize but to run with purpose in every step. God give me purpose because I can't live without it.

The Road He Took Me On

I am tired and drained and my last semester of school starts tomorrow. Well not technically but it will be my last semester before I receive my bachelor's degree. Wow! Lauren Noland with a bachelor's degree ..... and in psychology too. Sometimes I wonder how I got here and where this life came from that I was absolutely not expecting. I remember being in High School and being the pretty popular kid because I was a cheerleader and had good grades. I was supposed to be a doctor and marry someone rich in my mid 20's close to home or at a well known school like A&M or something. Sometimes I think God looks down at what we have planned out for our lives and just laughs out loud...literally.

Here I am 21, living in Arkansas of all places, already married, on my way to being a therapist, and married to my High School sweetheart who is a youth pastor by the way. Did I mention that we met when I was 14. My life is not at all what I thought it would be and I am forever grateful for that. I am grateful because if things would have turned out my way, the way i thought picture perfect was supposed to look like, then I would be absolutely miserable. God has a plan for our lives. For us to prosper and live. Actually living and living for him. So I can confidently say that I'm glad God has taken me on this road. Why in the world would I be glad you might ask. Well because it's not really about me. Today you can make the choice to either go your way or His. Your call.